Interview with a Vampire by Cayden Nolan

Interview with a Vampire by Cayden Nolan

It was a drizzly day when I met Lestat. He was sitting silently in the bleachers, chewing bubble

gum. Lazily blowing bubbles as he watched with a lurid gaze the teenagers stretching on the field.

I had no idea when I sat next to this nearly silent loner where my life would be headed.

My name is Claudia, and I’m a bit of an outcast myself, so the strange and unusual people that

sometimes pass through my poor white trash neighborhood do little to frighten me. I grew up in the

dark.

“They have nice asses” I said bluntly as I turned towards him.

His eyebrows shot up as a bubble popped on his lips. He licked off the sticky goo and turned

to me, “I’m sorry?”

“They have nice asses, baseball players. You picked a spot with a view. Nice.”

“I assure you, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sure, dude. Whatever you say. You don’t even have your phone out. You are clearly

admiring the boy eye candy down there.”

“That’s horrible. I would never be so lewd.”

“You say so.”

I sat there, watching him watch the baseball players. He popped his gum a few more times

before glancing back at me.

“Do you need assistance with something?”

“No, you’re remarkably still. Like not a wiggle in you. Weird. What are you doing here

anyways?”

“Waiting for Louis to finish with practice.”

“Oh, got it. You aren’t here admiring all the asses, just one in particular. I apologize for my

earlier assumptions.”

He smirked.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m covering the baseball team for the school newspaper. I am getting academic credit to sit

here and admire the view.”

He smirked again. He almost chuckled. He would be a hard one to crack.

“Do you go to school here?”

“No.”

“Louis is in a scandalous love affair with a college student! OMG! Wait until Madeleine

hears about this!”

“What? No, you. Stop. I’m not here. You never saw me.”

“Whatever you say, Obi-Wan-Kenobi.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“That is… bizarre. You’ve never heard of Star Wars?”

“The movie?”

“Yes.” I squinted my eyes at him. Was this guy for real? Something was definitely

suspicious.

“Yes, I’ve heard of the movie. I haven’t seen it in quite sometime, forgive me for not

recognizing the reference.”

“You are forgiven, my good sir.”

He feigned laughter.

“So, how old are you, definitely not Louis’ lover?”

“Ummm.”

“Old. Got it. Too old to be here.”

“I mean, I am, I’m, I’m waiting for Louis to finish his baseball practice.”

“Are you like his uncle?”

“That is probably closer to the truth, I suppose.”

“Huh.”bases.

He chewed his gum, and watched the team. They had moved on to running laps around the

“What position does Louis play?”

“Fourth base.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And you’re his ride home? His uncle?”

“Yes, I’m here to wait for him to finish practice.”

“What class is Louis in?”

“He graduates in 2008.”

“That one? Number 22?”

“Yes. That’s him.”

“I know him, he’s in my trig class. I sit right behind him.”

“Fascinating.”

“So, then, you and Louis aren’t an item? I’m hoping, seeing as you are related?”

“An item?”

“Allow me to translate, mysterious stranger. Are you and Louis engaged in courtship?”

“Not currently.”

“Ooookaaaay. Is Louis courting anyone else?”

“Not currently.”

“Good.”

“Do you fancy him? Would you like me to inform him of your affections?”

“Affections is going a bit far. But, yeah, I like him. He’s nice.”

“I’ll inform him this afternoon, after he finishes practice.”

“What?!? No! You can’t say anything!”

“And why not? It would help expedite your courtship.”

I was speechless. I am not often left speechless. This guy was good, a little too good.

Another man approached, the bubble gum chewing stranger motioned to him and he came

over and sat down.

“Allow me to introduce my friend, Armand. Armand, this is, I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch

your name before you started to ruthlessly interrogate me.”

“My name is Claudia Clemons, I’m reporting on the baseball team for the school newspaper.

I didn’t catch your name either. I’m supposed to be here. You are…”

“Also supposed to be here. My name is Lestat de Pointe du Lac.”

“I shall call you Lester. Lester the Molester.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Alright, I will call you…”

“Lestat, which is my name. If we ever have the misfortune of meeting again.”

“Would you like to be in the paper?”

“No.”

“Why not? I’m sure there is some interesting human interest piece in your recent past. You

seem like the sort of person that has interesting stories. I get extra credit if people actually read my

piece. No one really cares about how baseball practice is going. And they ran in the hot hot sun for

twenty minutes, sweat dripping from their brows. It looks to be another hot spring of sweaty boys

standing around waiting to play a very complicated version of catch. Like no one is reading my

articles about the baseball team. But you! I’m sure there is something at least a little interesting that

would be cathartic for you to talk about, and intriguing for the readers. Come on. Just one. Just one

little bitty interesting story, and I promise I’ll leave you alone until tomorrow.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Fine, what about you, Armand?”

He looked at me, sideways from under his baseball hat, supporting the local high school.

“How are you related to Louis?”

“I’m not.”“How are you connected to Lestat?”

“We are companions.”

“Huh. Like a Bert and Ernie sort of situation?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Sesame street, ‘rubber duckie, you’re so fun’, that Ernie.”

He stared at me. Not blankly, but with a blackness in his soul that I do not often encounter. I

stared back. He blinked.

“I, uh, what were you requesting?”

“A story, like a human interest piece. It could be like an oral history of the town or whatever.

Like ‘back when I was a boy they made us run laps for three hours’ I don’t know, something that

you think would be interesting. And then I’ll ask you questions, and streamline it, and get it printed

in the school newspaper. And hopefully you give me something like, actually interesting, and other

kids read it and I can get extra credit, and make sure that this class is an A that I don’t have to worry

about for the rest of the semester. I’m taking AP Gov and trig, my brain could use an easy A class.”

“So you would like an interesting story from the past?”

“Yes. Please.”

Lestat stared straight ahead, trying his best to ignore the situation developing between me

and Armand.

“Alright. I will tell you one story from the past.”

“Perfect.” I pulled out my notebook and pen. “I’m ready.”

“Once upon a time there was a very nosey and noisy little girl that talked to strangers that

she oughtn’t and didn’t leave them along when they were not in a friendly mood. This precocious

little girl also had the habit of getting into trouble far too big for her. One day she met…”

“I asked for a historical account, not a moralizing fairytale. ‘and then one day she met two

scary dudes at a baseball practice and they took her and did horrible things to her.’ Do I look stupid

to you?”

His mouth fell open. Win for me. He was not nearly as clever as Lestat. I would have to

devise a strategy for him.

“Did I guess the ending or what?”

Armand turned back to the game and Lestat offered him a piece of bubble gum. Armand

started chewing and blowing bubbles. They both stared straight ahead, determined not to make eye

contact with me.

“Well, I’ll be seeing you two tomorrow I suppose. Try not to leer too creepily, some of these

guys are roided out.”

And I walked down to the dugout to talk to the players about how their pre-season training

was going.